Today you are in for a special treat. I wrote something that I wanted to put on here, and I thought I wrote in my journal, but I can't seem to find it. So instead I am just going to put some other random things of interest (to me anyway!) that I found in my journal. Some of them make me laugh...


"I wonder if I'm making a big mistake. If I didn't wonder, would that mean I am doing the right thing?

I wonder if doing nothing would be just that--nothing. Or would that be a mistake as well?

On and on I wonder until my head becomes wrinkled like an old woman's hands, like a raisin, like my hands after a long shower. Slowly the wrinkles fold in on themselves. My brain is contracting, shrinking bit by bit. The wrinkles are now deep lines. My face becomes expressionless and my eyes stare ahead at nothing. Suddenly, my body goes limp and collapses to the waiting floor. My brain wraps itself into a tight little ball and rolls away.

Still, I go on wondering...what if?"
I believe this was meant to reveal to myself how stupid it is to sit around and wonder about stuff instead of getting out there and doing things. I love poking fun at myself. It's so easy and so amusing.




"It is a photo shoot and I am the star model. My dress is red and sparkly, attention-getting. My lips and nails glitter with the same vivacious, living red.

The room is large and brilliant white, against which the photographer and his camera stand out like ink on a wedding gown. The only other objects in the room are large, colorful signs, props that I lean against glamorously. I drape one arm over a sign, letting my wrist show off a diamond bracelet. I perch on another sign, crossing my legs elegantly. I throw my head back and laugh. I turn around and peek over my shoulder at the photographer with a shy, sweet smile that is also sneakingly cunning. All the while, the camera clicks away. Photo after photo after photo...of me. Self-assured, spotlight-stealing me.

A few weeks later, I get the photos. There are dozens of them. My red dress and I are undeniably the center of attention in each shot, but it is the props, the signs, that take my breath away. Each sign boasts an arrow in bold primaries and the word "Blame" in fat black letters. Each arrow points straight to my smiling face.

What have I done?"
A look at the sinful nature of man...there is no denying it. I can't imagine living without God. All those signs would be yelling in my face day after day and there would be No One who could take them away and tell me He has forgiven me...



"God opens doors and God closes doors. Sometimes they look closed, but when you grasp the handle and pull, they aren't locked. That's when God wants you to work a little and not give up. But other times I seem to grasp a very obviously locked door and tug with all my strength. Finally I fall to the floor exhausted, crying, "God, why did this happen to me?" And as tears spill out of my eyes I finally notice the huge sign above the door: "Exit this way," with a big arrow. "But God," I whimper, "I want to go through THIS door! It looks so pretty!" My own words echo in the empty room and I cringe as they return to my ears. This is the point where I should pick myself up and humbly go find the right door."
That one doesn't need much explanation.

everything changes...or does it?

Staind is right: "everything changes" (good song, by the way).

Here I am folding graduation ceremony programs with my sister. Tomorrow she will be done with high school and in the fall she and I will be living in an apartment in West Lafayette. That will be a big change for both of us.

Last night Ana and I were having fun driving faster than Jacob and cutting him off (hee hee). A year ago I didn't even know either of them, and now they're some of my closest friends. Next weekend I'm going to Bloomington to visit Kara, who I also didn't know a year ago. She is a very good friend too, and I can't wait!!

Everything changes...I'm not who I was. I turn up the country all the way as I zip around town in my mom's car since mine is still sitting...one thing I wish would change! (Of course I also turn up the rock, oldies and sometimes R & B!) I'm getting tired of shopping at Gap and American Eagle, partially because I'm too broke for the mall. Which reminds me I discovered the Salvation Army on 38th Street today...not bad. I've started liking running instead of thinking it was a dirty word. I am getting more consistent in reading my Bible and I'm memorizing more of it. I love Western riding as much as English...how did that happen??!!

But God is right too: "Nothing is new under the sun." I still love horses. I still am deluding myself into thinking my dad is gonna fix my car. I still make mistakes...plenty of them...just different ones. I still am thankful for my wonderful friends, especially the ones who still read my blog as its slow, painful summer death begins.

As everything changes and life whirls around me in a never-ending colorful chaotic mess, with blobs of familiarity mixed in, I stand on a perfectly still island. That island is my God! I shall not step off it.

What do you post about...

...when you are at the library because your house doesn't have internet and the library is near the bank, in which you need to deposit the $13.00 the government gave you, but obviously you are wasting time on the internet at the library instead?

...when you spent the morning with your friend hauling her two horses to their new home and you want a horse really REALLY badly but you are broke?

...when you went to the mall yesterday and couldn't buy anything because of the aforementioned broke-ness and it's horrendously sad?

...when you haven't seen the amazing Ross Eugene Cerbus for a very long time and you have nothing to post about?

...when you are making that snorty trying-not-to-laugh noise in the library because you are thinking about accusations that you have a crush on Ross due to all the posting about him (sorry, Ross, but ummmm, no)?

In answer to all those questions, I don't know what you write about. Thus I am seeing the end to a rather pointless post...it's coming...it's getting closer....it's here! THE END. :) Cheers!

Certificate of Death
(kind of like a certificate of marriage, only not)

This is to certify that this ______blog_____ is hereby declared dead, void and null for all practical and otherwise purposes, by the authority and highly esteemed willpower of ____Dr. S. E. Young, M.D.____ from this ___thirteenth__ day of ___May____, in the year of our Lord ___2006___.


Don't worry. I am not going to give up blogging, although it certainly feels like I have! It is very strange to not waste hours each day IMing people and updating my blog and prowling the blogosphere for posts from my friends...I have to find other things to spend hours doing. Lol.

So, I shall randomly update...don't abandon me forever!!!

art and happy feelings

I'm done with finals.



It feels awfully good.



I'm going home tomorrow. That feels pretty good too.

Amazing Ross Cerbus Receives Free Breakfast, Studying Help

The amazing Ross Eugene Cerbus was spotted early this morning eating breakfast with two residents of Windsor Residence Halls, an all-girls dorm.

Cerbus said he did not know if his fellow Green Gablians would be jealous of his free breakfast of bacon, scrambled eggs, pancakes and a waffle with ice cream. "I didn't tell them," he said with a signature Cerbus smirk.

Cerbus and the two girls, identified as Kara Wegener, a sophomore, and Sara Young, a freshman, appeared to be going over some type of notes. Sources say Cerbus wore a confused look about half the time.

"I think you skipped that lecture..." Wegener was overheard saying.

"So why did you decide to help me?" Cerbus queried.

Young said the girls felt sorry for Cerbus.

"The poor thing would probably have flunked out of college by now if it weren't for us," she said with a sympathetic smile. "He honestly thinks watching a movie with Katie is studying."

Young retracted her statement when she remembered that her grade and Cerbus's are equal despite vastly different sleeping-in-desk-chairs and class-attending habits. She said Cerbus seemed excited about the possibility of getting a high C on the final and still getting an A in the class.

"Maybe I should start watching more movies..." she mused. "Or maybe it's one of those things only Amazing can get away with."

my day went like this...

So, this is what finals week is like. You accidently ignore your alarm clock and wake up when your friend knocks on your door for breakfast. You go to breakfast and hang out for longer than usual because you don't have a class to go to. You come back and study til you can't bear it, and then you take a shower. After that you walk to lunch in the rain, but you like rain, so it's all cool. Then you fill out a job application and walk over to deliver it. After that you purpose to study some more, but your friend calls you and you end up talking for an hour and a half. Your roomie laughs at your conversation because you are dork and it's funny. Then you go to dinner with a friend who's turning 19. Then you study until another friend calls you. You finally get back to studying only to have another friend stop by. You end up messing around on facebook, surprise, surprise. You realize you feel like updating your blog, so you do that. Then you return to studying. I hope. You realize the test is in eight hours and frantically hit the "publish" button and HIT THE BOOKS!!!!!!

Pastor OK's Skara From Pulpit Sunday Evening

Pastor Olivetti is way cool. I've always sort of wondered exactly how far we should go in applying the verse in Proverbs 26 that talks about not deceiving your neighbor and then saying, "I was only joking!" Fun and joking is a large part of my life. I think God has a sense of humor, too, but I'm not always sure if pastors do. So I was very happy to hear this from the pulpit tonight about the Proverbs verse...

"This is not saying don't do practical jokes."

Yes!! The purpose of Skara is pastor-endorsed!!

He went on to explain that this means that we shouldn't use "escape clauses" to get out of things we do. "I hurt your feelings when I said you were ugly? Chill, dude, I was only joking." When you hurt someone, you have to go repent. This means admitting that you did wrong, not trying to explain it away as "OK," and it also means asking for forgiveness.