'Amazing' Reprimanded for Indecency

The Amazing Ross Eugene Cerbus was quietly chided during a workout early this morning at the Colby Fitness Center. Witnesses say a staff member singled Cerbus out of a group of students preparing to work out at about 7:15 am this morning.

"I was trying to show off my muscles in a ripped up T-shirt," Cerbus lamented. "I guess all those Proverbs about pride are true after all."

The fitness center, affectionately dubbed the "Co-Rec" by students, does not allow sleeveless shirts for health reasons.

Rory Cerbus, twin brother of "Amazing," said he is glad the center allows green shoes.

"I'd really be in a pickle if they started picking on my attire," Cerbus said. "Of course, I don't have the inner urge to show off my muscles. Except sometimes when I'm in Pennsylvania."

Fitness center executives said they are glad the matter has been cleared up and that Cerbus (the Amazing one) has decided not to press charges.

"We recognize the need of an individual to display the results of hard work," a press release stated. "However, in the interest of other patrons of our facilities who have not reached the capabilities of the Amazing Ross Cerbus--and indeed, probably never will--we have decided that he does not need to display his bulging muscles and must be held to the same regulations as the general population."